My Ticking Crocodile

Tick. Tock.

Tick. Tock.



That, friends, would be the sound of my biological clock. I’m pretty sure it started ticking when I was about 16, but I had the good sense to ignore it at the time. Over the intervening decade (or so), it’s become progressively harder and harder to put out of my mind. And recently, it seems the crocodile has been gnawing away at me.

I seriously adore children. I always knew I wanted to be a mother- I was never as sure about anything else, especially the whole “spending my life with someone” that usually comes along with children. But that was ok, I just made the decision that I would have children even if I was single. I remember very clearly being 20 years old, at the birth of my friend’s baby, and deciding that I would have kids by the time I was 27…

And then I turned 27 and realized that I was nowhere closer to having kids than I was at 20. I looked around and it seemed like EVERYONE else was starting to have babies (there are 3 due in the next 2 months). The moment the crocodile really caught up with me was when my YOUNGER sister gave birth to my niece last year, just over a month before my 27th birthday (when my goal came and went).

So, why haven’t I had children if I so desperately want to become a parent? Well, for starters, my love life is not exactly conducive to acquiring children the old-fashioned way. And, even if it was, I don’t know if I’m exactly prepared to tie my life to another person (who isn’t my child) forever. I’m not completely opposed to the idea but it’s just not something I feel I’ve made a decision about yet and it is most definitely something I don’t take lightly.

So, why not adopt? I have dreamed of adopting since I was 12. I just knew it was the right option for me. But it’s never as simple as you want it to be. Firstly, I’m pretty sure that an adoption agency wouldn’t approve me right now. And I couldn’t exactly blame them. My life isn’t settled in the traditional way. I’m still carving out a space for myself and starting a new farming business, neither of which make me sound very financially stable or reliable on paper.

And, of course, there is the cost of an adoption. From what I have read, international adoptions are the easiest for non-traditional parents to be approved for, especially if you want to adopt a younger child (which I would for the first time). International adoptions, however, can range from $8,000 to $40,000+. That’s a huge chunk of change. I’d really hate to start off my new life with a beautiful new baby and a mountain of debt…

So, for now, I find myself fleeing (extremely halfheartedly) from this particular ticking crocodile.


2 thoughts on “My Ticking Crocodile

    • I kinda enjoy the difficult times.

      And, it’s getting to the point where I have considered how best to rid myself of that pesky sister that keeps thinking her daughter belongs with HER and not me………

      (Just kidding, Department of Child and Family Services people who might read this blog. :))

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